I'm scared. I'm scared that I will just dream and not do.
When will my ideals become my realities? When will I feel like I'm arriving somewhere, and not in constant transit?
I don't just want to talk, I want to do. I don't just want to be eagerly awaiting the arrival, I want to embrace the seemingly endless transitions of life.
Last week I was in St. Maarten shooting, and was without my phone, texts, and almost no internet for five days. It's interesting what happens when all the noise in your life is quieted for a few days. Things started happening as I was lying in bed, eating breakfast by myself, or just simply sitting on the beach. My mind drifted, it rested, it dreamt, it called forth many things which I am able to ignore when I can go from: text-to-instagram-to-twitter-to-tumblr-to-facebook-to-email-to-...
In the quiet I realized I am scared to dream--scared to death--because what if I fail. What if my dreams are dumb, or really outlandish, and impossible? What if I cannot live up to my own expectations, or the expectations of others? What if, what if, what if...
Yet, as I quietly approach my dreams, my life, my relationships, I realize I am not alone.
I feel God's presence with me.
He reminds me that I am apart of a bigger purpose and story than I could even ever imagine. That his plan for my life is a good one, that life is fleeting and each moment is an arrival of sorts, that my ideals are actually becoming my realities quietly over time.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever, and ever. Amen".